Sunday, June 15, 2008
i should really be studyin now.
or doing my assignments at least.
but there is something buried deep down inside me that's even giving me difficulties to breathe.
so deep in that i cant dig it out.
and thus, i dunno wad is this cause.
or perhaps, i know it.
its just that i dowan to say?
all i'm certain is, there are more than one issues resulting to this.
and basically, i noe wad are these issues, seperately.
i've nvr look forward to exams so much before in my life.
cos after exams it means one more week to home.
and this one weeks means total relaxation time and great shopping.
after that its home sweet home back in singapore.
but....
all of a sudden i start worrying abt my future.
what am i gonna do when i graduate from poly, which is like not really that far away from now.
i always thought i had it planned out.
i decided to: apply at the MOE website for relief teaching, and i'm gonna try out for NAS (my dear Ngee Ann Secondary School) and earn money, perhaps take up tuition at the same time to earn more money and wait for SMA (Singapore Media Academy) to set up. And i can go in and study wadeva i wan with a peace of mind.
there you goes.
a total perfect plan.
(((:
but wad IF....
i dun get into NAS??
i reli wanna go there cos i miss there so much... and i noe if i'm not going to be posted to NAS, i will lose the heart to teach properly, even though i will still teach.
or let's not think that far yet.
wad if MOE refuses to give me that relief teaching spot? den wad the hell am i gonna do next?? stuck out in the society with extremely BAD results and loitering around???
and let's say all goes well for the teaching part in my plan.
wad if SMA takes like forever to reli get started out or wad if SMA does not provide the course that i wanna take?? and with such atrocious results of mine, no university will take me in. and there is absolutely NO WAY i'm gonna get into SIM or any other universities that u can get in easily with money.
and pooof!
there goes my perfect plan.
and now i see a total bleak future ahead of me.
i have totally no idea what else izzit that i want.
yee siew says tongking says its perfectly normal for us to feel lost right now.
i agree with that, but that is not something that i think should last for long.
if this goes on nothing else that i do now will go the right way.
and i jus simply hate life like this.
its jus 21 more days to home.
i should have just bear with it, goes back to SG and do my IBP and hopefully i can graduate successfully.
but its affecting me so much that i am totally not the mood for anything at all.
not in the mood for studying, not in the mood for doing assignments.
i just wanna cry.
or doing my assignments at least.
but there is something buried deep down inside me that's even giving me difficulties to breathe.
so deep in that i cant dig it out.
and thus, i dunno wad is this cause.
or perhaps, i know it.
its just that i dowan to say?
all i'm certain is, there are more than one issues resulting to this.
and basically, i noe wad are these issues, seperately.
i've nvr look forward to exams so much before in my life.
cos after exams it means one more week to home.
and this one weeks means total relaxation time and great shopping.
after that its home sweet home back in singapore.
but....
all of a sudden i start worrying abt my future.
what am i gonna do when i graduate from poly, which is like not really that far away from now.
i always thought i had it planned out.
i decided to: apply at the MOE website for relief teaching, and i'm gonna try out for NAS (my dear Ngee Ann Secondary School) and earn money, perhaps take up tuition at the same time to earn more money and wait for SMA (Singapore Media Academy) to set up. And i can go in and study wadeva i wan with a peace of mind.
there you goes.
a total perfect plan.
(((:
but wad IF....
i dun get into NAS??
i reli wanna go there cos i miss there so much... and i noe if i'm not going to be posted to NAS, i will lose the heart to teach properly, even though i will still teach.
or let's not think that far yet.
wad if MOE refuses to give me that relief teaching spot? den wad the hell am i gonna do next?? stuck out in the society with extremely BAD results and loitering around???
and let's say all goes well for the teaching part in my plan.
wad if SMA takes like forever to reli get started out or wad if SMA does not provide the course that i wanna take?? and with such atrocious results of mine, no university will take me in. and there is absolutely NO WAY i'm gonna get into SIM or any other universities that u can get in easily with money.
and pooof!
there goes my perfect plan.
and now i see a total bleak future ahead of me.
i have totally no idea what else izzit that i want.
yee siew says tongking says its perfectly normal for us to feel lost right now.
i agree with that, but that is not something that i think should last for long.
if this goes on nothing else that i do now will go the right way.
and i jus simply hate life like this.
its jus 21 more days to home.
i should have just bear with it, goes back to SG and do my IBP and hopefully i can graduate successfully.
but its affecting me so much that i am totally not the mood for anything at all.
not in the mood for studying, not in the mood for doing assignments.
i just wanna cry.
what we could have been, 4:50 PM.
